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Well, citizens of New Caprica, it's been terribly quiet around here, what with sonotevil still missing, everyone busy moving about rocks like productive members of society, and so on. So all day long I sit in my Presidential office, gazing out the window upon the natural splendor of our beautiful homeland, and getting therapeutic massages from my, uh, Presidential aides. In order to stimulate my very formidable intellect, I have taken up a new hobby -- creative writing. For your edification, I hereby share with you my first effort.

Six and Starbuck Enjoy Nature
A Work of Erotic Fiction by Gaius Baltar, President of the Twelve Colonies of Kobol

DISCLAIMER: This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is unintentional and purely coincidental.

One day, Starbuck decided to go for a walk in the pristine countryside of New Caprica. But she didn't want to go by herself. Who would be the ideal companion for this pleasant stroll, she wondered? A charming conversationalist, a brave adventurer, someone who can truly appreciate the finer things this planet has to offer? I wonder if President Gaius Baltar would honor me with his companionship, she thought? Luckily President Gaius Baltar has excellent time-management skills, and was more than willing to take a break from his busy schedule of drafting Executive Orders to forge out into the wilderness.

Suddenly, Starbuck and President Gaius Baltar ran into a sexy, 5'8" 34B blonde woman wearing a red dress. "My name is Six," she said. "I think I should punch you," Starbuck said. "I have a better idea," Six said. Then she kissed Starbuck and started running her hands up and down her 36 24 34 body. Starbuck decided not to punch Six and kissed her back instead. Her nipples were getting hard and poking through her dress like little pink erasers. Starbuck just had to pinch them. Meanwhile, President Gaius Baltar was reveling in this new development in societal harmony. "Please Gaius," Six said, "we need you." Starbuck and Six were groping each other's melons, and they were moaning too much to even take their clothes off. President Gaius Baltar generously helped with Starbuck's pants. As soon as she was naked, Six shoved her fingers into Starbuck's tuna taco. She thrust them in and out of her mossy grotto, and Starbuck started coming and couldn't stop. She pushed up Six's skirt so she could lick her luscious meat curtains. Six's eyes rolled back in her head, and she rubbed her pert gazongas while Starbuck ate her fur burger. "Do you want to join us?" Six asked. But President Gaius Baltar had reached a higher sexual plane, where he could appreciate the purity of the love between two women. "No," he said, "I'll just watch."

wtf i am not a toaster frakker! (no offense helo) ur the frakking worst prezident weve ever had!
u know it made u wet in the mossy grotto hahahahahaha
u r dead
none taken.

I would not, however, mind it becoming a reality. Wink wink.
Wow, President Baltar. That was a really inspired piece of writing, very honest. Thank you for sharing.
I find this reprehensible and entirely inappropriate for a communications channel which, as I have said before, is for OFFICIAL COMMUNICATIONS ONLY!

However, since you are our president, I feel compelled to leave positive feedback, and thus I say, despite my own utter disgust at this abuse of Livewireless: I totally know what you mean about a higher plane of sexuality, that was hot.
shut up, lee, you're too fat to have sex
stop calling me fat!!! you're not being a very nice girlfriend!

I think you should make it up to me with a threesome.
woooooo, me too! but watch out -- once you go Kat you never go back.
gods, that is so true.
what the FRAK???
don't pretend you don't get off on humiliation, kara.
euw, i cnt blive u said that, u perv! i m so nvr frakkin u!
Do you see now why we should have stolen the election, Ms. Roslin?
don't look at me! daddyadama wouldn't let me. he's such a prude!
well, I suppose I should thank him for leaving me with so much time on my hands to explore your mossy grotto ;)
Jeez, Gaeta. You want us all to be so frakking thrilled about you and your GAY. We don't come traipsing through your personal life ewwing at things, do we? NO.

Hyprocrisy! HYPOCRISY.
(that was a moving tribute to the power of love, Gaius. you make me and sonotevil proud. let's all go cuddle!)
(you have got to be kidding me. Gaius, I taught you better than this. remember CLITORAL STIMULATION!)
(there's more to human relationships than just sex, sister! sonotacylon and I used to spend long hours just massaging each other sensually. it really builds trust and intimacy!)
(...and frustration)
(I'll hand you the massage oil anytime!)
guys totally can't write lesbian sex! you can't just shove ur fingers in a girl! my story totally kicks ur story's ass!!!